I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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