Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize