For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
