1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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