I need help removing her.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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