He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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