I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
