i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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