i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
