We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
