i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
