lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
