Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
