This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
