in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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