My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
