You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
