fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
