I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
