im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
