shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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