your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
