he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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