dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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