I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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