Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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