I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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