u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
