Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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