Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
