A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
