Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
