I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm just crazy horny about you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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