you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
