Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
