I can tuck mytits in my pants
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
