She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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