i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
