He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
