but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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