you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
