After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize