come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
