do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
