once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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