I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
