did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He? As in you personified your dick?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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