Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
