Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
