not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
