After last night, I could never be a politician.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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