Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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