i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let's get the cat blown out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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