You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
