Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
