I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
