Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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