Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
