so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
