my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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