We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
