just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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