If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
high people should be assigned attendants
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
