He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
