i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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