its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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