I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
