There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
