i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
