We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
