Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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