Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
