i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
