playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
