Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
