Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
